Letters to Dad
by OR
Summary: Chapter 5. Sydney opens up a little more to reveal more about the truth in her life
1. Chapter 1

Jack Bristow  
  
452 Cherry Lane Los Angeles CA  
  
4/4/07  
  
Dear Daddy,  
  
I know that it's been a while since I contacted you but it's been very busy here. Jerry and I had our baby girl about three months ago. She is very beautiful. Her name is Winter and she was born seven pound three ounces. Did you get the photo that I sent of her? Isn't she just the sweetest little angel that you've ever seen? She is hardly ever disturbed and sleeps right through the night.  
  
Daddy, I know that I was angry when you couldn't come to our wedding but I shouldn't have taken it out on you, it was unfair and I'm very sorry for doing it. Did you get the photos from the wedding? It was a very nice wedding. My dress was white and went down to the ground. I really wish you were there, it would have meant a lot to me. Instead you weren't and I got mad and now all these wasted years where you never wrote and I wouldn't speak to you. Please forgive me daddy. Anyway since you weren't there, Jerry's dad walked me down the aisle and his brother John was the best man.  
  
How's LA been treating you? I hope you're well, I know that you had a few heart problems just after I left. Daddy, you understand that I couldn't stay there, don't you? There were a lot of things happening that I couldn't face. I know that I was always taught not to run from my fears but to face them but it was more than I could handle. I'm sorry that I had to leave you to fend for yourself. I shouldn't have done that either but I had to go. Do you understand?  
  
Before Winter was born, I was working at a primary school teaching grade two full time, I think I told you that, but I quit and decided to be a full time mom. It will probably be the best decision that I'll ever make. I love teaching. I hope to go back to it one day but right now I just want to concentrate on my children. I don't know how much luck I'll have getting another job, everything's hard to do in Washington but you know me, I'll just keep trying. That's what I was trained to do.  
  
How is retirement? I know that you fought the system to get them to keep you on as an acting officer but they said no. I'm sorry. That was their loss not yours. Now you can sit back and enjoy retirement they way most people do. I don't want you over doing it. Normal people sit on their front porch, sipping home made Lemonade playing with their grandchildren. I suppose that doesn't work for you, considering that your grandchildren are in Washington with me and, if I remember correctly, your house doesn't have a front porch. Hey, maybe Jerry and I can organize a trip to LA to see you. Would you like us to do that? I think it would be good for everybody involved.  
  
Anyway, you know how Jerry was working at CNN back stage writing scripts and things? We'll yesterday all of his college degree's came in handy because they gave him a promotion and now he's doing reports, documentaries I think. Tomorrow he's going to The White House to do a documentary on some lost plate or something. That wasn't very interesting but hey, The White House. It's better now because he's making more money with this job then we were both making together and he's so much happier.  
  
I have to go now Daddy. I hope to hear from you soon. I'm truly sorry for everything, I never meant to upset or hurt you in anyway. Please say hello to everybody for me. I love you very much. Please, please write back to me or call or anything, I don't mind. Bye.  
  
Lots of Love  
  
Sydney.  
  
*A/N: This story is dedicated to all the people who suffered any loss in this month's, (October 2002) Sydney bush fires. My prayers go out to you all.* 


	2. Chapter 2

Jack Bristow  
  
452 Cherry Lane  
  
Los Angeles CA  
  
5/14/07  
  
Dear Daddy,  
  
I've been waiting for your letter but it hasn't come yet so I thought that I'd try writing to you again. Daddy, why aren't you writing to me? I know that I've done some things that I wasn't, that you weren't proud of but everybody has, even you.  
  
I was going to wait until I got a letter back from you before I asked Jerry if he wanted to visit you in LA for a little holiday but I just couldn't wait. I asked him but he just looked at me funny and he said: "Honey if you want to go to LA, I'll take you." I'm so excited, we'll come sometime this summer, I hope. Jerry says that he's not sure because of his new job. Did I tell you about it? I think I did.  
  
Daddy you'd be so proud of Jerry. He's making more money than even Devlin was. And you and I both know that Devlin was a pretty important guy in the CIA. Do you remember those days? I remember them like they were yesterday. They day that you told me that my mother was a Russian spy. That hurt me so much but for the first time ever I saw what it must have been like for you, the pain that she must have put you through. I probably shouldn't put things like this in letters just incase someone reads them and finds us. We all know what happened when I told Danny. I decided not to tell Jerry about my past. It will save him.  
  
David turned five the other day. He's getting so big, in fact he looks a bit like you. He's so smart and he tries really hard at school. I'm so proud of him and I know that you would be too if you could see him. Maybe you will, when we come to see you. He's really looking forward to meeting you and I really want you to meet him, I think that it would be good for the both of you.  
  
Are you still seeing that psychiatrist I put you in touch with before I left? I hope so. Dad you need to talk to someone. I spoke to Dr. Barnett one when I was working at the CIA base in LA and she said that the only thing that she could tell me was that you were improving a lot. You don't know how happy I was when I heard that.  
  
I've been seeing someone too. Dr. Lane. He's a top of the art psychiatrist in Washington. It was Jerry's idea, he thought I was going mad or something. I guess I had a hard time adapting to not being in LA with you and Will and Francie. Have you had the chance to speak to Francie lately? I lost contact with her and wouldn't know where to start in contacting her and I know that Will was killed in New York. I was so upset that I cried for like a week, that about the time I started seeing Dr. Lane. I didn't want Will recruited, he knew that but he said that there was no other choice, I'll never forgive him.  
  
Next Tuesday is mother's day at David's school and I get to go. I can't wait. Jerry can't go but because of his new job, he's flying up to North Carolina to do a report on some diamond thing. I don't know a lot about Jerry's job, truthfully, it doesn't really interest me. Some great wife I am. He knows that I love him.  
  
Daddy, I have to go now. If you know or find out where Francie is living, will you please let me know? I miss her very much and wish that I could see her again. Thanks heaps. I love you Daddy.  
  
Lots of Love  
  
Sydney  
  
*A/N: This is dedicated to the family and friends of those people who were wounded or killed in the Washington sniper shootings. May you find the strength that you need to carry on. My prayers are with you.* 


	3. Chapter 3

Jack Bristow 452 Cherry Lane  
  
Los Angeles CA  
  
8/7/07  
  
Dear Daddy,  
  
I'm really very sorry that we didn't get the chance to come to LA. I'm very disappointed that we missed the opportunity to see you. Well you can always come to Washington, that wouldn't hurt you, you know! I really want you to see you're grandchildren! It's not fair that they should miss out just because we live in two different worlds. That's strange, we live in two different worlds but in the same country. It's very weird.  
  
Anyway, we didn't come because Jerry's mom came down from New York. She's just lost her husband, Jerry's dad. It was so sad we went up there for a few weeks to comfort her but Jerry thought that it would be better for her to get away, so she came and stayed with us. She kept saying stuff like, she didn't want to put us out with the illness and all. I had no idea what she was talking about but in situations like this it's usually best not to say anything.  
  
I thought about getting in touch with Francie but I don't know where to start. Dad I think I mentioned in one of my previous letters that I'd like to see her. Please help me. I can't exactly ring up Weiss and ask him to track her down can I? Not after what happened anyway. He would never speak to me, no matter how hard I pleaded. Maybe there'll be a day some time when he'll be able to find it in him to forgive me for what I did. I didn't have a choice. I swear I was left with no other option!  
  
I'm very nervous. Jerry was speaking with Dr. Lane. Did I tell you about him? He's my psychiatrist. Anyway, apparently there's some stuff that he's discovered that will make our marriage better. Isn't that great? Jerry always talks to Dr. Lane after I've been to a session. I guess that patient confidentially doesn't work when it comes to family. They walk around me like I'm sick or something. Don't worry though, they're just discussing options for other sessions and stuff.  
  
I can't even remember the last time I spoke to someone that I really trusted. Dr. Lane is good like that. He listens and makes a few casual suggestions. I feel I can trust him even more than I trust Jerry. Maybe that's wrong, maybe it's natural. I don't know anymore. I'm just so tired. In fact it was Dr. Lane who made the suggestion that I try to write to you. I didn't know that there would be a problem with getting you to write back! Please Daddy. I forgive you all the mistakes that you made in my life now I need you to forgive me mine!  
  
Tomorrow Jerry and I are having a day together, we talked about it just before I started this letter. The kids are going to the baby sitters and we're going to spend the day shopping and walking in the park. It's been so long since I had the chance to spend some quality time with my husband. Tomorrow I think I'll mention visiting you again to him, I don't think that he's remembered that we were going to do that over the Summer. We'll get there one day, don't worry.  
  
Daddy, please, please, please get in contact with me. I miss you so much. I really, really want to see you. I got out the photo album the other day to show the kids. I noticed that there weren't a lot of photos taken after mom died. I think that's where we went wrong. I know that she was a bad woman but we still should have grieved properly. Instead you were gone and I lived with a stranger! Don't worry, I forgive you for that, I forgive you for everything.  
  
Well I guess I better go. Just please write to me or call or anything. I don't care I just want to know that everything is okay and that you're happy. It's all I care about. Well I suppose that I can only hope to hear from you soon. Bye Daddy.  
  
Love always  
  
Sydney.  
  
*A/N: This one goes out to the Bali attack! There were a lot of Australians killed and injured in the attacks. I hope the families may find strength to help them through this uncertain time.* 


	4. Chatper 4

Jack Bristow 452 Cherry Lane  
  
Los Angeles CA  
  
9/11/07  
  
Dear Daddy,  
  
I don't care how long it takes to get you to write to me! I'm going to keep doing it until I get a reply. Daddy, what did I do that was so wrong that you just won't talk to me at all anymore? I've asked for your forgiveness so many times, I don't know what you want. If you would just write to me and tell me. I'll do what ever it takes, please. I've forgiven you your mistakes, I said that, the least you can do is forgive me mine.  
  
Well I may as well tell you, no use not. I'm going to have another baby. Isn't that exciting? Jerry wants another boy but I want another girl, isn't that always the way with parents? I have just about given up on my career. I think I'll worry about my family for another couple of years and then maybe go back to work when the kids are off to school and stuff like that. What do you think? Okay, now you really have to come and see us.  
  
I told you that Jerry and I were planning to spend more time together. We've had three days out, just us two, now. Dr. Lane said that it was very good for us to spend time together, especially with the new baby on the way. We've been shopping and picnicking and two weeks ago we went away for the weekend. We had so much fun. We went horse riding and swimming in a river. We have a great baby sitter, who loves the kids and she was happy to stay with them over that weekend. We had so much fun.  
  
Have you had the chance to speak to Francie? I've tried to look her up in the phone directory and on the internet but it's like she doesn't exist cause I can't find her anywhere. She probably got a silent number after Will died. It was all my fault. She was so hurt when she found out. Maybe she doesn't want to speak me. I wouldn't blame her, his death was my fault. If I had just gone back. Dr. Lane says that it's bad to dwell on the past because we have no power to change it. He's so smart. He doesn't know about Vaughn. I don't ever speak of him, not until now anyway.  
  
Daddy, it would be really good if we could see you for Thanks giving or Christmas or something. It's been about five years since I last saw you. All I remember was the look of disappointment in your eyes. You have to know that I didn't mean it. It was an accident. He slipped, I didn't stop him but I didn't push him either. I never did it, it was his choice. Well it was sort of his choice. I don't even know why you care, you hated him. If this is why you won't speak to me then I understand but I still ask for your forgiveness.  
  
Well I better go. Please, I beg you to get in contact with me. I can't live like this. I don't know what you think, I don't know how you feel, what you're thinking, what you think of me and it hurts. All I ask for is one simple letter, how hard is that? Daddy, please write to me. Hope to hear from you soon.  
  
Lots of love always.  
  
Sydney.  
  
*A/N: This chapter is for Daniel Peach, the Brisbane boy who died about a week ago in a skateboarding accident. Wearing a helmet may not seem cool but it may just save your life. WEAR A HELMET!!! 


	5. Chapter 5

Jack Bristow  
  
452 Cherry Lane Los Angeles CA  
  
9/30/07  
  
Dear Daddy,  
  
Okay, this is getting past ridiculous. I've sent you four letters and you haven't responded to a single one of them. It doesn't worry me so much, I just hope that you're reading them. You have to talk to me eventually, I'm not going to go away just because you want me to. I don't even know if that's what you want. I'm so confused.  
  
Today Dr. Lane told me that he wants me to go on some kind of medication. I don't even know what it's for. He just said that it would help me through some of the things that I tell him about. Half the time I don't even remember what I've told him. Maybe I'm suffering from memory loss. Wouldn't that be horrible? Anyway, there these little green pills and Jerry makes sure I take them everyday I don't know what the problem is but he's very persistant and he stays until I've taken it and then watches me to make sure I don't spit it out or something. It's a good thing to know that there's some one out there taking care of me.  
  
David was sick last week. He had a vomiting bug or something. I couldn't believe it. The mess one child can make when with a bug is really disgusting. I had to spend the whole week cleaning and disinfecting everything in the house. He's feeling better now, he was talking to his buddy on the phone and kept gloating about his week off. The innocence of a child. He a remarkable little boy and I love him with all my heart.  
  
So what is it that you've been doing. I hope you're taking care of yourself. I do worry about you dad. I can't be there and I want so much to be. I guess that I'm needed here. Have you had a chance to contact Francie? I know I ask about her a lot but I need to see her. Something in me will never be at rest until I see her again.  
  
I'm thinking about one day just coming to LA without Jerry or anybody knowing. He looks at me strangely every time I mention you, like her knows something I don't. Dad, does Jerry know something that you won't tell me? Please, I can't make it better if I don't know what it is that I've done. I've apoligized for everything that I can think of that I ever did wrong. No that's it all of my letters take a turn like this. I'm not going to fight with you or beg for you're forgiveness anymore in letters. If you've got a problem, you tell me and I'll fly my pregnant butt to LA and we'll discuss it.  
  
I better go before I write and send something else that I don't want to. Please, just write or contact me. That's all I ask. One letter or phone call to let me know that everything is okay won't kill you. Please.  
  
Love always  
  
Sydney.  
  
*A/N: To the family and friends of the people killed in the Stanthorpe bush fires. Praying that you can find the strength to rebuild your lives as you will your houses.* 


End file.
